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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in yippiekaia's LiveJournal:

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Friday, August 10th, 2007
1:58 am
Why I am better than her, but more importantly, you:
{random talk about diamond engagement rings)
alex golightly: http://www.tiffany.com/shared/images/engagement/rings/round_brilliant/square.z1.jpg
alex golightly: just get me this.

I don't understand jewelry, but that is nice.
alex golightly: yes... yes it is.
alex golightly: and starting at fourteen grand or so, it ought to be

that's absurd
alex golightly: haha it's all those perfectly cut side diamonds
maybe my bride will have a little accident with a cigar cutter...
alex golightly:
alex golightly: see that, they're alot aalike, but it's a bead-set band... it starts at around three grand
alex golightly: ps. you're fucking twisted

alex golightly:
just marry a kooky environmentalist who opposes the diamond industry
YippieKaiA: like everyone should you mean
alex golightly: right.
alex golightly: everyone except for the newley engaged
YippieKaiA:Think of those poor kids in Ghana and Mali
alex golightly: don't. don't dash my dreams against the rocks of a brutal reality
YippieKaiA: kids who don't have fingers because they've spent their childhood fetching diamonds for yours.
YippieKaiA: Too late.
alex golightly: shut up, kai.
alex golightly: shutupshutupshutup
alex golightly: my diamond will be directly from jesus.
YippieKaiA: You know what a great movie was?
alex golightly: he's a part time jeweler. you know, it's a jewish thing.
alex golightly: let me guess, blood diamond.
alex golightly: shut up.
YippieKaiA: Blood Diamond.
alex golightly: wow. with color change and bold.
alex golightly: i get it, San Kai
YippieKaiA: It should have been called Loss of Innocence and Life Diamond.
alex golightly: asshole.
YippieKaiA: The kids have to sneak the diamonds up their assholes so the can afford to by 12 grains of ride to feed the large extended family.
alex golightly: listen, as much as i enjoy being berated for my taste in blood soaked finery...
alex golightly: thanks. thanks for the imagery.
YippieKaiA: You know, since they only make one gun butt to the head a day.
alex golightly: but i'm going to bed now.
alex golightly: jesus christ on a cross, McNeil.
alex golightly: i love you, you horror.
alex golightly: good night.
YippieKaiA: MUAH!
alex golightly signed off at 1:47:07 AM.
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
10:15 pm
I have 21.75 gigs of music on my computer!
So, yeah.  I have not posted for 223 days.  Or 7 months, 11 days, 16 hours, 11 minutes, 21 seconds.  Or 31 weeks.  Or 5368 hours.  Or 322,091 minutes.  Or 19,325,481 seconds.  Ok, I'm done.  That is a long time.  I apologize.  So what have you been doing in that 7 months, 11 days, 16 ho... sorry.  Here's a super quick rundown: nothing.  Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.  I've been working and that's about it.  So that's that for my past.

I was looking through my friends pages just now and I have come to one of two realizations:  Only 3 people post on Live Journal or I don't have any friends.  Either way, it's sad for me.

So this is my majestic return to Live Journal.  Eat it.

Current Mood: Hungry.
Thursday, August 17th, 2006
5:56 am
So I got it, bitches.  And I'll be the best damn Ass. Man. Starbucks ever had.
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
11:46 pm
"No, because vagina cakes are a tasty and nutritious part of a well balanced breakfast."
In the past week I've discovered crotch holes in two separate pair of boxer briefs.
Monday, July 17th, 2006
2:38 am
::clutches stomach::
I am such a baby when I'm sick.
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
11:47 pm
I have a 1 year warranty on my iPod.  Meaning I can bring it to the Apple Store and they'll fix it for free.  Unless, of course, they figure out* I've dropped it 95325632495634956325963295325932.  ::crosses fingers::

CD's GALORE!  Lupe Fiasco, Guster, and Obie Trice all "drop" albums next week.  I'm really, really excited for the Lupe Fiasco album.  I can't get "Kick Push" out of my head (or mp3 player).  I have the feeling for him that I had when I first heard Brick by Ben Folds Five, and I had only heard, literally, 8 seconds of it.  Guster - how could I NOT be excited for them.  They have yet to dissapoint.  Chaddy P. hooked it up with the burned copy, but Guster is a band I will always support.  And Obie Trice's first album, Cheers, is outstanding and I would like to think the the sophomore effort will be, as we say in the streets, off the chizzle.

I go into the city to panel for the promotion August 6.  I am nervous as fuck.  BUT if I do well (like I plan to) then I start making more money that day.  So everyone wish me luck for the next month.  And then when I'm rolling in the dough I shall through a party at my nice, new apartment and anyone who wished me luck can come.  Except for you.

Ok, wow, this post really sucks.  I apologize.

Night, firecrackers.

*They kinda figured out that I dropped it.  I have to take it back to see if it's covered by the warranty.  I'm assuming the answer is "no".
Thursday, June 29th, 2006
1:49 pm
I wish I planned this.
1.Go into your LJ's archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence as a link in your blog along with these instructions.

"Most guys' hang to the right or the left."

Current Mood: bored to tears
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
1:18 am
I was just at Starbucks for 13 hours and 6 minutes.
On the way home from my 45943750932450327532y32535jgy43q2 hour shift, I heard Do You Believe In Magic, by The Lovin' Spoonfuls.  I fucking love that song.  So simple, so happy, so good.  And it sounds like it was a bunch of guys from Philly who just got together and made a song just for the hell of it.  Why Philly?  You got me.  Why I felt it so urgent that I needed to post this immediately?  You got me twice.

And does anyone else think the title "The Lovin' Spoonfuls" sounds absurdly pervy?

Night, cumbuckets.

Current Mood: tired/sore/horny/blah
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
11:59 pm
I had a stellar vagina cakes muffin in Frankfurt last week.
John Brown's Body is pretty much the best band you'll ever hear.  Just thought I'd tell you that.  To everyone I know in Rochester and Buffalo, you should go see them at the end of this month.  I promise you won't be disappointed. I have one of their albums shared on AIM.

So, wow.  Derek and Brenna broke up last night.  I kinda feel bad about posting about it, but it's affecting me a lot more than it should.  Like, they were Derek And Brenna, you know?   I remember right before Brenna moved to Buffalo.  She had come out to visit for a week or so and when she went back he told me "I'm probably going to marry her".  I don't even know if he told anyone else that.  From what I know this is only their second time having major problems, and they're too good to not be together, so I'm assuming they'll go their seperate ways for however long, and then realize that they need to be together for my sake, and that will be that.  Derek, I love you.  And your huge wang.

So my boss wants me to be a boss (hooray!!).  And today, her boss talked to me about being a boss (double hooray!!!!)  And it might happen as soon as...a year (Boo!).  But I can wait out a year.  And a year is worst-case.  Maybe I can start the program at the end of the summer.  And by mid-spring, I can move ANYWHERE.  I'm thinking Southern California.  2 of my best peoples are there.  Whatever.  I have plenty of time to think about it.

Ok, so apparently Sean and Teresa also broke up.  What the fuck is going on?  Who's next?  Not be be selfish, but I had wedding outfits already planned out guys.  Where am I going to wear these things now?   Think of me!  I was gonna scam major tail at these weddings.  Now ::sigh:: ...I have 2 words: hook.ers.  You happy?  OK, that was kinda mean, but seriously everyone, stop breaking up.  It makes you sad, which makes me sad, which SHOULD make you re-sad.  So, stop breaking up.  It sucks and you shouldn't have to go through it.

So when Dr. Von Flushenheimer, or whoever, invented the urinal cake, I'm pretty sure they designed it with enough potentcy that one urinal cake would be adequate per urinal.  Now, I don't know if the Greeks are bad at math (even though they invented trigonometry) or if they just don't understand other languages (Von Flushenheimer is cleary German), but they don't seem to think that way at all.  They seem to think that at the Suffolk Diner in Centereach, NY you need eleven.  11!  Eleven fucking urinal cakes in one stall.  The 1:1 ratio was not acceptable to them and they said "Fuck the Germans, I want 11 of those bastards in there.  That'll learn 'em".  But really, was eleven urinal cakes that necessary?  Guys in Centereach are grimy, but goddamn.  And this is why I hate the Greeks.  Goat cheese ::shakes head::

Wow, this post sucks.  Oops.  Night, fuckasses.

Current Mood: HUNGRY (like a hippo)
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
10:50 pm
I posted this 2 months ago, but forgot to unprivate it. Oops.
So, I definitely found a used urine sample drug test at work. I'm doing an overnight, it's like 1:30 in the morning and I'm cleaning the bathroom. Sweep--->mop--->mirror--->garbage....wait, something is amiss. The little swinging door is being propped open by something. So I reach in, pull it out, and it a urine sample cup. I know this because the top said "Urine Sample Cup". It also had a list of various drugs with three dots next to each name. Whoever this person is was very drug free. No MARI, or BARB, or COC, or AMPH. Nothing. This person was clean as a whistle (which I have NEVER understood. Whistles are like spit traps that you can't drain. Do you know how many nasty ass mouths have been on whistles, or how many times they've been dropped in the dirt, or if the person whistling brushed their teeth or not?? Clean as a whistle my ass. More like clean as the skank ass ho blowing into it.), or at least their friend is. Three nights later I found another one of the same cup. This brings me to two conclusions: 1) Someone's on parole and their PO wants to meet at Starbucks to have them pee in a cup. Or, 2) Some pothead douche is going to be getting drug tested for a new job and is screening which one of his friend's urine's is the best to use. Either way, gross.

I love girls and they love me back. No story. Just wanted to say that.

Driving home the other night I was the only person on Sunrise [Highway] for 9 exits. Literally the only pair of headlights for the whole span of time. And this was around 11pm Saturday night. Isn't that strange?

Current Mood: Bite me.
Monday, April 24th, 2006
6:31 am
"Yeah, gimmie a large Starbucks."
(I guess you had to be there)

Wow, I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted.  I apologize to all yous fans out there.  I will try harder to post regularly.

So, what's new?
- My bosses have been talking amongst themselves about me becoming a boss
- Got arrested and spent 16.5± hours in a holding cell
- Had my car towed in Brooklyn
- Finally ate at Smokey Bones BBQ (Smokin' Al's is better)
- Recently called my penis "buddy"
- Fell waaaay further into debt
- Was told I seemed like I was from the West coast, specifically SoCal
- Haven't talked to anyone in about forever
- Cut my right hand 4 or 5 times in 2 days
- Worked at Starbucks way, way, way too much
- Probably got fired from captain bill's (good riddance..)
- Haven't spoken to Danielle in longer than about forever
- Stared reading again
- Began to LOATHE NetFlix
- Began to LOVE Cee-Lo
- Continued to love Pharrell/Chad Hugo
- Missed Kiera
- Watched most of the entire run of Scrubs
- Made a friend out on this craptastic part of the Island
- Got a nasty virus that pops-up lewd pictures of slutty local girls
- Almost responded to one of them named "Submissive420XXX" (it was just a picture of cleavage, but if you saw it you also would have contemplated  e-mailing some random skank from Lake Grove)
- Cleaned my room 43250-7435063265932trtf6t4324yt9p3h4 times
- Got bored with listing what's gone on in the past month

It is clearly time for bed.  I will post sometime this week.  Night, slutbags.

Current Mood: tired like your bf after sex
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
5:51 am
"everything's in me between Pluto and God"
Yesterday, I went to the gym for the first time in weeks.  I get there, weigh myself, change, and realize that I left ONE sneaker on my bed 25 minutes away.  ::disgusted scoff::

Current Mood: ::yawns::
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
5:52 am
Hi April.
Friday, March 24th, 2006
5:50 am
Maybe I should post today.
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
2:52 am
I got down & dirty w/an adult toy & it was hot.
Too big to fit into my away message.  If you don't have a middle name, sucks for you!

Take 1st letter in ur 1st name:
A - I fucked
B - I have
C - I need
D - I sucked
E - I gave head to
F - I got wet n wild w/
G - I tasted
H - I played
I - I swallowed down
J - I blew
K - I got down & dirty w/
L - I loved
M - I hated
N - I was desperate for
O - I ordered
P - I partied w/
Q - I had quickie w/
R - I got rowdy w/
S - I sold
T - I turned on
U - I gave birth to
V - I stripped for
W - I milked
X - I gave hand to
Y - I aroused
Z - I sold

Take LAST letter in ur last name:
A - a hobo
B - a male stripper
C - a cat
D - a pencil
E - a naked statue
F - a firefighter
G - a goat
H - a MILF
I - a bastard
J - a male prostitute
K - a clock
L - an adult toy
M - a Louis Vuitton bag
N - a whore
O - a DILF
P - a pimp
Q - a quarter
R - a pyromaniac
S - a slut
T - a nerd
U - a stuft animal
V - a bitch
W - an ugly fat kid
X - a cheerleader
Y - a gay guy
Z - a pornstar

Now take ur middle initial:
A - & I enjoyed it
B - for a 1 night stand
C - for $
D - so I could hookup w/ a jock
E - & I got banged after
F - for a water bra
G - for a cherry flavored condom
H - so I could get a nose job
I - for a vacation
J - for birth control
K - for a shopping spree
L - so people would talk about me
M - & it was hot
N - so I could get butt implants
O - for sex
P - so I could go around naked
Q - all for lust
R - just for the attention
S - for love
T - so I could be sexy
U - all for a fat kid
V - & i hated it
W - all for pleasure
X - so I could get a boob job
Y - for lube
Z - all for a hot blast of man sauce

Current Mood: angry for posting this
2:19 am
I bit two of my nails today. Something must be on my mind.
Tonight, on Middle Country Road, here in Selden, NY, someone hit a telephone poll at around 6pm.  The result: no overnight shift for Kai!  The inadvertent result: I'll be up all night because I slept all day in preparation for being up all night.  Yayyyyyy!!  Oh wait, that's nothing to be excited about.

I've never thought of myself as a spontaneous person, but I had a conversation tonight that changed my mind.  I tend to overthink things.  If anything I consider that my character flaw (that and my large, large penis).  To combat myself overthinking things I try not to think about things too much.  Sometimes, it gets me onto trouble.  But most times, it allows me to have fun, because I'm doing things on the fly.  I have to say, I'm a fan.  Because of my "spontaneity" I have [practically] gotten a tugjob on the dance floor at a major university, thwarted security and the NYPD by breaking into a different university, ridden the train for free in Buffalo for the entire summer of 2002, broken into and vandalized Islip middle or high school (I can't remember which one) after witnessing a robbery from the roof of the South Shore mall, hooked up at work, and done the dirty at my high school.  See what happens when you don't overthink things?  Sex and crime!

So, starting April 1, I will no longer be one America's 46 million without health insurance.  ::holds for applause::  Yeah, I'm excited too.  I've already called my PCP and made an appointment for...tadaa, April 1.  I'm going to get every test done they have.  Mumps, measles, rubella, herpes, prostate, pregnancy, alzheimer's, over-active bladder, EVERYTHING.  I want to be fit for a diaphragm and everything.  It's going to be marvelous.  I'm going to walk out of that office with sore, swollen, puffy arms and it will be so sweet I'll probably get diabetes.  But don't worry, I'm getting tested for that too ::wink::

Ok, so last week I'm checking my mail (yippiekaia@gmail.com) and all of a sudden everything starts flashing orange and I thought I broke Gmail.  Turns out Google intergrated GoogleChat with Gmail so you can send IM's through your e-mail.  It's incredible.  Steve (I'd link his LiveJournal, but I don't think he has one) was the aforementioned IMer.  I was so confused.  Oh, and it does the coolest thing.  In AIM you can send smiley's and they're all cute and what not, but in Gmail they're animated!  They move!  I sent a smiley face :) and it rotated 90 degrees clockwise.  It was incredible.  Then I sent a wink ;) and it also rotated, but then IT WINKED.  I could not possibly express my enthusiasm through words, but let's just say I jizzed more in that 3 minutes than I have in the past year.  Ok, maybe not the past year, more like the past 10 months ::wink::  If you would like to get down with Gmail, I have 49 invitations left.  It sure beats whatever crap e-mail you have.  It winked people.  WINKED!!

P.S. Should I add a picture? And if so, does anybody have any good pictures of me?

And on that note, I'm out.  Why? I have no idea, I'll be up until at least 7am.  Meh.  Night, bitches.

Current Mood: AWAKE (hmm, now I want tea)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
5:45 pm
Does anyone know if it's "sea foam green", or "sea-foam green"?  This may be the one thing the Internet is useless in answering.

Current Mood: like going to the gym
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
3:19 pm
My wife's going to love me because I'm going to do whatever that bitch says. Damnit...
I should read my friends page more.  It's kind of hypocritical of me.  I expect everyone to read my page,but I never, ever EVER read anyone else's.  I should get on that.  I just did a quick little scan, and in the past week Kiera has gotten all intelligent and verbose, Durin wishes this lady at work died, Katie Korb actually posted, Derek works for American Idol ::gag::, and Lindsay's depressed.  The things you learn by clicking a simple link...

I just watched Sympathy for Mr. Vengance.  I Netflix'd it because I read in Maxim that the director is known for over-the-top gory movies.  The first hour or so went by with nothing at all gory.  It was confusing as all fuck, but not gory.  Then all of a sudden, and guy starts slicing his own stomach open, you hear the sounds of an autopsy (twice), TWO people get their heads bashed in with baseball bats, a guy gets stabbed in the jugular with a screwdriver and pulls it out to cause the GREASTEST spray of blood I have ever seen, and for a grand finale, the protagonist gets his Achilles tendons sliced which forces him to crumple and drown in a 4-foot deep lake.   All of this in 45 minutes.  And I left out all the suicides, drownings, battery torture, necrophilia, and other buttery goodness.  Turns out that Chan-wook Park made a trilogy of sorts.  Part II is in the DVD player waiting for me to come home tonight.  Part III is in theaters May 5.

Yesterday, I told someone that "wonderousness" is an actual word and believed that with every fiber of my being.  I even looked it up.  ::shakes head::

So right this second I think I'm supposed to be at work.  Jill Schombs asked if I could cover the last 2 hours of her party, I agreed (for $20 ::cha ching::) and that was that.  Then she said we should just switch parties.  Then she said she'd call to confirm.  I gots no call, no IM, no nothing.  So I decided that we switched.  And since I haven't gotten a call from Craptain Bill's yet (see what I did there??) I assume that I assumed correctly.  If not, I guess I'm fired.  Darn..

You know what's not delicious?  Egg salad, especially in sandwich form.  First of all, it's yellow and has chunks of white in it.  Second...I don't know, it's just gross.  I had one last night/this morning and SWEAR I could taste the diarrhea forming.  Dramatic?  Yes, but that's how fucking gross egg salad is.  Now chicken salad... mmm mmm MMM!  Mr. Platnick was correct, that shit is good.

I should probably go shave now.  I'm looking all sorts of hairy.  Hairy=gross.  In 10 or more minutes a clean-saven Kai will emerge onto society and bring joy into people's lives.  And then I'll step inside Captain Bill's and want to murder everything I see.  Ciao!

I had a lengthly conversation yesterday with some ladies at work as to their initial thoughts of me.  All three thought I was gay (surprise).  And then I opened my mouth.  And now one of the three has admitted (although I am not supposed to know this) to wanting "it" from me.  And apparently the numbre rises everyday.  I so win.

Peace in the Middle East, y'all.

Current Mood: I want to cuddle.
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
11:38 am
**An addendum**
Ok, so not so much an addendum, I just wanted to use that word.  I am enamored with that word.

- The site in question from the last post is http://www.galaktek.com/.  It is fucking hilarious.  I promise.

- I did not, in fact, "find" said site.  It was sent to me by one April A. Johnson (bupbeephee).

     - She also made me add this addendum,  with her "womanly powers".

          - Ok, so she just asked me to.  I'm so weak.  ::shakes head::

- My prediction did not come true.  I figured that 4 of you would ask for the site, just to be dicks.  No one did.  Clearly I have no friends/loyal readers/life.

Have a good day, JERKS!

Current Mood: Important/needed/weak
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
1:37 am
I need to clean my mouse. It's moving all kinds of erratically.
Ok, I found this page online and it's hilarious.  Like laugh out loud, close your door so your housemates don't hear you laughing so hard funny.  And I want to share it with you guys.  Herein lies my diemma.  It's funny.  Really funny.  TOO funny.  If I show it to you, you'll abandon my page and I'll just by another lonlely LiveJournal loser.  So, here's what I will do - if you want to know what the page is, I'll tell you.  All you have to do is IM me (See, I already win!  NO ONE is going to IM me just to get a link.  Half the people who read this probably don't even have my screen name.  Man, I am a genius.)*

Forums crack me up.  When I was younger I belonged to a couple.  I think one was for Nine Days.  In college I joined some sex one under the moniker "CunningLinguist" (god, I love me).  Today, I scan the ones on IMDb, and I think it's hilarious.  All these people spend valuable time yelling at someone else because they spelled "remarcable" wrong and think that final destination 2 was the best thriller of all time.  They'll get into hardcore, 8-reply threads just straight up insulting each other.  Oh man, my favorite is when someone goes to the message board for a particular movie and pretends to be the star of the movie and then 4,000 chumps **believe them and get all excited that Will Ferrell actually checks his own message board.  Priceless.  It really is a fantastic way to spend some time.  Go find a random site, register, and just troll the forums.  You will find that some people have WAAAAAYYY too much time on their hands.  ESPECIALLY on IMDb.

I've decided today that I would use the word "enamored" every, sinlgle day.  This may be the best idea in all of 2006.  Next to the guy that said "I should fuck every bitch in the world."  Now that right there is just a fundamentally sound idea
Goodnight, lovers.

* I have a prediction about this.  I'll let you know next post.
**edited on 3/1/06 (fuck you, alex.)

Current Mood: Classic.
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